Sadly...

For health reasons this project is being put lower on the priority list.  I haven't been able to keep up with it like I wish.  I am NOT giving up..but have to keep things in perspective.

You can't fill anyone's cup if your pitcher is empty.

Blessings
 

Military Culture – A Primer

The following is an open letter from one member of the military to military wives everywhere. He hopes that they will appreciate a male service member’s perspective about what it is like to be in the military. He uses the pronoun “he” but does not mean to ignore or leave unacknowledged the important contributions female members of the military make. Instead, he is simply trying to give his own perspective and not lead people to assume that other members of the military such as female service members would have similar opinions.
Indoctrination
We are a nation of many colors, religions, and ethnicities. Joining the military means giving up much of this and assuming a new identity.  It takes a lot of time and effort, but the military is very successful in making people conform.  From the very beginning the individual becomes part of a culture where individuality is suppressed, the mission has priority over personal concerns, and sacrifice is part of daily language.  This takes a little time to get used to and can be quite different than the civilian world.  It is nothing for a civilian worker to change jobs, or ask for higher compensation from a company to continue working.  The military perspective is quite different in that it is considered a privilege to ‘belong’ to the military.
To join a branch of the military you must leave your friends and family and sometimes go far away to a ‘boot camp’ where you are expected to change not only your appearance but also your behaviors and attitudes.  You are given the same haircuts and clothing..  You are told that everyone is to be addressed by their rank and their last name and the importance of this hierarchy is impressed upon you as you start out at the bottom.  Though out boot camp, , most of your time is spent running, or doing push-ups or other forms of physical exercise, this You also learn the history of your branch of service, famous battles fought, and you become aware of connection to them. You also undergo what seems like endless numbers of inspections where your uniform, your locker, your rifle, your shave, your haircut, everything you touch is closely inspected for the smallest infraction.  Haircuts are measured to the 1/8 of an inch, items on the uniform are measured with a ruler, folded linen must be exact, beds made tight enough to ‘bounce a quarter on’, shoes polished to a high shine, items in your locker must be put in very specific locations.  You live and breathe the watchwords “attention to detail” and it is drilled into your every action over and over again.  There is a purpose to these seemingly pointless exercises. Your future actions can have enormous life or death consequences. Your attention to small insignificant details, and your support of your buddies will keep you and them alive.
You no longer simply walk but ‘march’ with military posture.  If two recruits are walking together down the street they are taught to walk next to each other and in step.  Officers that are met along the way are promptly saluted.  You also begin to learn how work in groups, and are given instruction by the ‘drill sergeant’. If one member of the platoon fails at the task, everyone is punished.  This teaches you to work as a group. Displays of emotion are punished, unless it is anger, which is rewarded. To teach you how to control your emotions under stress, you are routinely given harder and harder tasks, complete with confusing orders and yelling sergeants, where you cannot possibly succeed.  You are given opportunities to show your ability to lead your peers in completion of tasks.  Success is rewarded and failure is ridiculed and punished.  Nothing, no matter how difficult or daunting, whether long miles, little sleep, constant guard, nothing is allowed to be seen as impossible.  Your job is to succeed or die trying.  When you have the correct mindset you are then introduced to the skills necessary in your branch of service, such as shooting rifles and patrolling techniques, flight line awareness and safety, ship procedures and rescue swimming, until it is time to graduate and transfer to your active duty station.

Hierarchy
The military operates by hierarchy and order.  Everything has its place and function to achieve specific tasks and goals.  At the very broadest the task is the defense of the United States and at the narrowest it is to “change the oil on the 1114 High Mobility Multipurpose Wheeled Vehicle” (the Humvee).  The higher your rank, the broader the category of tasks you have.. The mission takes precedence over all other concerns and one may be called to duty at three in the morning, or leave for extended training.  There is no time clock in the military.  You are a ‘soldier’ (or airman, marine, sailor, coastie) 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  Time off can be recalled at any time should the mission dictate.
Because the nature of the job, it is essential that orders are quick and crisp, direct and to the point, and at times even yelled.   There simply is not time to say ‘please’ when on a combat patrol.  When the soldier finds himself in a non-military situation with a task to be completed, he does it in the same way, direct and to the point.  If nobody else is going to step up and take charge then he’ll do so.  Because of this, many civilians such as employers or spouses, will see him as bossy, rude, loud, power-hungry, insensitive, and angry.  To him, he is none of these things but simply someone trying to get things done. When others wish to talk about possible solutions and seek out different points of view the soldier seeks to fix the problem immediately with whatever options are available at that instant.  Such initiative is highly prized in the military culture.  In this mindset there are no emotional needs, only problems to fix.  This translates into frustration for the veteran who may find friends, coworkers, and family, behaving emotionally instead of solving the problem.  Simply put, without problems there is no friction, so control your emotions and complete the mission (solve the problem).  Someone wanting emotional support from the veteran might find him cold and calculating and believe him uncaring.  Yet in his mind he does care, which is why he is attempting to fix the problem.  He is likely to feel that problems, even marital ones, do not call for emotion but for problem solving skills and immediate action.

Control
The world that the military operates in is filled with uncertainties that can mean death.  Whether it is training in the desert or patrolling streets in Iraq, there are obstacles, challenges, and unknowns that occur that the military unit is expected to overcome.  Remember that regimentation, order, control, uniformity are a part of the military identity and have been honed from day one in boot camp.  The military mind does not like, uncertainty, vagueness, or spontaneity.  It relies on planning, attention to details, assignment of tasks and orders, cohesion, and uniformity.  As a cog in the great machine, you are expected to be in control of your actions, to follow the orders of those higher in rank, and to give the correct orders to those under your command.  The civilian world offers many challenges because there is much in his environment that he can’t control. He may try to control things that seem ridiculous for civilians or if they are uncontrollable, may become very uncomfortable.

Conformity
There are a couple of ways that the system is kept in place.  The first is punishment for breaking the rules.  From a small infraction of not having a proper haircut or not doing push-ups when told, to a greater infraction of the accidental discharge of a weapon or leaving out important items unlocked, such actions can be dealt with by assignment of extra duty, physical exercise, loss of liberty (time off) to the more extreme of loss of rank, loss of pay, time in jail, or discharge out of the service.  Another way that the system is kept in place is the positive values placed on the various histories and behaviors.  Examples of good soldiers, sailors, airmen and marines are talked about with great admiration and medals are given to those who show proper behavior.  Units follow mottos and creeds of faithfulness, never ending courage, and willingness to endure. Quitting has no place in the military. 

Emotion
Another change from the military culture is that emotions are distrusted and shunned.  The mission comes first, orders are given and are expected to be carried out, and there is no place where emotional concerns come to bare. Therefore the soldier seeks to repress emotions in order to get the job done.  When a soldier is on patrol and a roadside bomb goes off near the humvee it is not the time to have an emotional breakdown.  Instead you are to rely on your training and decision making abilities of your leadership to get you through the emergency.  When the sailor is functioning on little to no sleep and is working in the command center and keeping tabs on multiple aircraft landing and taking off from the aircraft carrier, it is not the time to cry about stress and lack of sleep.  The military mind has two different classifications, those who can get the job done, competent, and those unable to do so, incompetent.  The Marine Corps enthusiastically follows the oft quoted saying ‘semper fi, do or die’.  Again, it is about the mission and this impacts the soldier’s ability to relate to people, for the repressing of emotions is deeply learned through repetitious training and experience.   As such he might be viewed by some as cold or distant.  The same hard-nosed, can-do attitude that makes him attractive as a leader and worker make him difficult to connect with, while for to him, there are no problems that cannot be acted on.  The only emotional problems that exist are when others become too emotional and cannot direct their actions against the real problems.  He may even be blind to his own emotional needs, relying on the military mindset of knuckle down and try harder.  When this doesn’t work the only answer is to shut down even more emotions and try even harder.

Guardians and Protectors
Courage, honor, integrity, commitment, excellence, selfless service, loyalty, respect, decisiveness, initiative, duty and others are the very ideals that the military tries to live up to. Words such as these are written on walls and bumper stickers, awards and banners, and they give meaning to our ceremonies.  They are evident in the mottos of the branches and individual units, such as Semper Fidelis (always faithful), Semper Paratus (always prepared), Cede Nullis (surrender nothing), and This We’ll Defend, among many others. 
Honor and the role of protector is a driving force to the military mind and these principles are an essential part of who we are.    Always ready, always able, always on-call to go forth into battle as our beloved country needs us.  This requires constant training in weapons, skills, physical fitness, and mental preparation.  The lifestyle of the military is sometimes exotic but often it is filled with hardships.  If it were as simple as proving your physical mettle, then there are other ways of doing so without signing a four year enlistment.   You can climb mountains or train for a marathon.  Yet for the military mind the drive to guard and protect one’s country and family are so strong and such a part of our identity that we willingly will put up with all the hardships that come with living in the military, such as long deployments, constant moving around the country, difficult training exercises, and even war.  Take away the greater meaning of our role as protector and we are crippled in our ability to deal with the hardships dealt along the way, particularly those from combat.
We are aware of the terrible nature of war and are thankful that our family does not have to experience what we have. One source of tension for the veteran is his desire to keep war and any associated horrors away from his family. He relishes his childrens’ innocence. However, this also bars him from sharing his experiences with his family, or ‘bringing the war home’.  With his first hand knowledge of the realities of a dangerous world filled with war and the sacrifices asked of those guarding against them, the combatant may see other concerns as trivial.  He often feels that it is hard to listen to family members complain about relatively minor events. They don’t have a right to complain because they don’t truly understand what is worth complaining about, however, the service member doesn’t want to violate their innocence by informing them.  In the veteran’s mind it is bad enough that he experienced war, why spread the mental pictures and pain with those he loves?  This leads him to avoid talking to his family.  Instead, he complains to his fellow service members and boy does he complain!  It is a way of bonding and assuring each other that they are all in this together.

Bond between Warriors
It is natural, then, for people who have shared a difficult experience to feel closer together.  It is normal to seek out support from others who have undergone the same trials and challenges to better understand your own experience, for who truly understands you better than someone who’s been where you are?  There is a difference between general empathy and the support of someone with first-hand knowledge. 
If we can go into a battle and potentially sacrifice our lives for the mission it is a small step to sacrifice other aspects of our life, such as hopes and dreams for a family or another career.  You are a part of a larger whole that is working toward the mission and other people depend on your ability to get your job done.  To fail at a task is bad, to give up is unforgiveable, but being responsible for the death of a fellow service member is both unforgiveable and unbearable to the self.  In the service member’s mind it points to either gross incompetence, lack of character (honor, duty, fortitude, integrity), or sometimes both at once.  Survivor’s guilt, a feeling that some veterans from war experience where they feel guilty about returning home alive while others did not, is common.  Unfortunately, words of encouragement from someone who is not a veteran, who has not sacrificed and gone through the same hardships to protect and to guard, often ring hollow.  If they understood what was worth fighting for they would pick up a rifle and join along.  Fellow veterans are not only people who experienced similar events but are also people who chose to adopt the lifestyle and values of the military.  Not only are they different than civilians in experiences, but different in kind.
Once you get past the novelty of the uniform, the rank system, the vocabulary, the strange jobs in exotic locales, fully understanding the culture of the military means understanding the following:
·         Leave no one behind
·         Accomplish the mission
·         Never quit
·         Live with honor and integrity
As such the veteran typically does not want a big fuss over his experiences.  While he’s filled with pride from overcoming different hardships and challenges, he doesn’t seek hero worship from others.  Instead he simply wants someone to recognize, truthfully, his experiences as they are.  To go willingly into combat, to give up dreams of family in order to continue a military life, these and more are sometimes part of the job.  To cheapen the memory of a fallen comrade, past battles, or the uniform and flag, is to not only an affront to them but also the importance of the sacrifices given along the way, the lack of family time, loss of a dream career, loss of a peaceful mind, and more.  The veteran asks simply for recognition and respect.

Women Warriors: Supporting She 'Who Has Borne the Battle'

When Sergeant Cara Hammer returned from her deployment in Iraq in 2005, she thought her days of fighting were over. But she quickly discovered that she had more battles ahead of her.

After surviving roadside bombs and mortar rounds in Iraq, Cara came home and realized that she was suffering from an invisible wound, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Determined to seek help for her mental health injury, Cara turned to the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) for care. 

Unfortunately, she wasn’t exactly met with open arms. Her description of her first experience walking into a VA hospital should make your blood boil.

“I felt like a candy striper. The only difference is I’m carrying around my medical records, instead of passing out candy and cigarettes.  Cat-calls turned what was already an uncomfortable situation into a nightmare.”

Cara is far from alone. The veterans of this generation aren’t just the demographic you may know from your grandfather’s VFW hall.  Women now make up 11 percent of the American force in Iraq and Afghanistan. And these female troops and veterans are not receiving the same level of support from the military and the VA as their male peers.  Not even close. As a result, they are facing significant and unique challenges that we can no longer afford to ignore:

• Sexual Assault, Harassment and Military Sexual Trauma (MST)—Women in the military have been coping with widespread and underreported sexual assault and harassment for decades. Last year alone, there were almost 3,000 reports of sexual assault involving servicemembers.  Incredibly, this is probably only the tip of the iceberg; almost half of all sexual assaults go unreported. Among those female Iraq and Afghanistan veterans who have turned to the VA for care, nearly 15 percent have screened positive for Military Sexual Trauma (MST).
• Dramatically Higher Divorce Rates for Female Servicemembers—Marriages of female troops are failing at almost three times the rate of male servicemembers. How did a Pentagon spokesperson respond to seeing these numbers today? He called the statistics “alarming,” and added, “This is the first time I’m hearing these numbers.” Ironic, considering these are their numbers.
• Barriers to VA Health Care—The VA is woefully underprepared to meet the surge of female veterans coming to its hospitals and clinics. Only 14 percent of VA facilities offer specialized, comprehensive women’s health clinics, and the VA is experiencing serious shortages of qualified women’s health and mental health providers. With female enrollment at the VA expected to double in the next 15 years, it is past time to address these significant barriers to care.
• Rising Rates of Homelessness among Female Veterans—Female veterans are swelling the ranks of the homeless. There are already more than 13,000 homeless female veterans nationwide. And existing programs for these homeless female veterans aren’t cutting it. Adding to the challenge is the increasing number of female veterans with families in need of homeless services. Almost a quarter of female vets in the VA’s homeless programs have children under the age of 18, creating a ripple effect that will impact people for generations to come. 

More than 140 years ago, President Lincoln pledged America’s obligation, “To Care for him who shall have borne the battle, and for his widow, and his orphan.” It is time for the nation to renew this commitment to our women warriors. After honorably fighting overseas, female veterans, like Cara Hammer, shouldn’t have to wage new battles once they get home.  And they should be treated like heroes, not candy stripers. 

This week, IAVA launched its latest Issue Report, “Women Warriors: Supporting She ‘Who Has Borne the Battle,” on the unique and urgent service and homecoming challenges facing female troops and veterans. The report is the cornerstone of IAVA’s first annual “Week of the Women Warriors,” a multi-faceted effort to honor the courage and sacrifice of female servicemembers. Visit www.iava.org/womenwarriors to download the full report and find out more ways to get involved on behalf of our nation’s women warriors. 

Crossposted at www.IAVA.org

Read more at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/paul-rieckhoff/women-warriors-supporting_b_321777.html

Mental Stress Training Is Planned for U.S. Soldiers

August 18, 2009

By BENEDICT CAREY

PHILADELPHIA — The Army plans to require that all 1.1 million of its soldiers take intensive training in emotional resiliency, military officials say.

The training, the first of its kind in the military, is meant to improve performance in combat and head off the mental health problems, including depression, post-traumatic stress disorder and suicide, that plague about one-fifth of troops returning from Afghanistan and Iraq.

Active-duty soldiers, reservists and members of the National Guard will receive the training, which will also be available to their family members and to civilian employees.

The new program is to be introduced at two bases in October and phased in gradually throughout the service, starting in basic training. It is modeled on techniques that have been tested mainly in middle schools.

Usually taught in weekly 90-minute classes, the methods seek to defuse or expose common habits of thinking and flawed beliefs that can lead to anger and frustration — for example, the tendency to assume the worst. (“My wife didn’t answer the phone; she must be with someone else.”)

The Army wants to train 1,500 sergeants by next summer to teach the techniques.

In an interview, Gen. George W. Casey Jr., the Army’s chief of staff, said the $117 million program was an effort to transform a military culture that has generally considered talk of emotions to be so much hand-holding, a sign of weakness.

“I’m still not sure that our culture is ready to accept this,” General Casey said. “That’s what I worry about most.”

In an open exchange at an early training session here last week, General Casey asked a group of sergeants what they thought of the new training. Did it seem too touchy-feely?

“I believe so, sir,” said one, standing to address the general. He said a formal class would be a hard sell to a young private “who all he wants to do is hang out with his buddies and drink beer.”

But others disagreed, saying the program was desperately needed. And in the interview, General Casey said the mental effects of repeated deployments — rising suicide rates in the Army, mild traumatic brain injuries, post-traumatic stress — had convinced commanders “that we need a program that gives soldiers and their families better ways to cope.”

The general agreed to the interview after The New York Times learned of the program from Dr. Martin E. P. Seligman, chairman of the University of Pennsylvania Positive Psychology Center, who has been consulting with the Pentagon.

In recent studies, psychologists at Penn and elsewhere have found that the techniques can reduce mental distress in some children and teenagers. But outside experts cautioned that the Army program was more an experiment than a proven solution.

“It’s important to be clear that there’s no evidence that any program makes soldiers more resilient,” said George A. Bonanno, a psychologist at Columbia University. But he and others said the program could settle one of the most important questions in psychology: whether mental toughness can be taught in the classroom.

“These are skills that apply broadly, they’re things people use throughout life, and what we’ve done is adapt them for soldiers,” said Karen Reivich, a psychologist at Penn, who is helping the Army carry out the program.

At the training session, given at a hotel near the university, 48 sergeants in full fatigues and boots sat at desks, took notes, play-acted, and wisecracked as psychologists taught them about mental fitness. In one role-playing exercise, Sgt. First Class James Cole of Fort Riley, Kan., and a classmate acted out Sergeant Cole’s thinking in response to an order late in the day to have his exhausted men do one last difficult assignment.

“Why is he tasking us again for this job?” the classmate asked. “It’s not fair.”

“Well, maybe,” Sergeant Cole responded. “Or maybe he’s hitting us because he knows we’re more reliable.”

In another session, Dr. Reivich asked the sergeants to think of situations when such internal debates were useful.

One, a veteran of several deployments to Iraq, said he was out at dinner the night before when a customer at a nearby table said he and his friends were being obnoxious.

“At one time maybe I would have thrown the guy out the window and gone for the jugular,” the sergeant said. But guided by the new techniques, he fought the temptation and decided to buy the man a beer instead. “The guy came over and apologized,” he said.

The training is based in part on the ideas of Dr. Aaron Beck and the late Albert Ellis, who found that mentally disputing unexamined thoughts and assumptions often defuses them. It also draws on recent research suggesting that people can manage stress by thinking in terms of their psychological strengths.

“Psychology has given us this whole language of pathology, so that a soldier in tears after seeing someone killed thinks, ‘Something’s wrong with me; I have post-traumatic stress,’ ” or P.T.S.D., Dr. Seligman said. “The idea here is to give people a new vocabulary, to speak in terms of resilience. Most people who experience trauma don’t end up with P.T.S.D.; many experience post-traumatic growth.”

Many of the sergeants were at first leery of the techniques. “But I think maybe it becomes like muscle memory — with practice you start to use them automatically,” said Sgt. First Class Darlene Sanders of Fort Jackson, S.C.

To track the effects of the program, the Army will require troops at all levels, from new recruits to officers, to regularly fill out a 170-item questionnaire to evaluate their mental health, along with the strength of their social support, among other things.

The program is not intended to diagnose mental health problems. The results will be kept private, General Casey said.

The Army will track average scores in units to see whether the training has any impact on mental symptoms and performance, said Gen. Rhonda Cornum, the director of Comprehensive Soldier Fitness, who is overseeing the carrying out of the new resilience program. General Cornum said that the Army had contracted with researchers at the University of Michigan to determine whether the training was working, and added that corrections could be made along the way “if the program is not having the intended effect.”

This being the Army, the sergeants at the training session last week had questions about logistics. How would teachers be evaluated? How and when would Reserve and Guard units get the training?

Perhaps the biggest question — can an organization that has long suppressed talk of emotions now open up? — is unlikely to have an answer until next year at the earliest. But the Army’s leaders are determined to ask.

“For years, the military has been saying, ‘Oh, my God, a suicide, what do we do now?’ ” said Col. Darryl Williams, the program’s deputy director. “It was reactive. It’s time to change that.”

Copyright 2009 The New York Times Company

The Oregonian, War is Hell, dated June 2, 2009

I finally got permission from the author,Mike Francis, to put this on my website. Very nice guy. I hope to bring more stuff of his here.

On Friday our patrol got hit. An insurgent threw a grenade into one of our
patrol vehicles. I helped the rest of my guys carry my roommate to the CSH
(Combat Support Hospital) here in Mosul in a black body bag. As we took the
body out of the Stryker vehicle our uniforms and boots became stained with
blood comingled with tears for our buddy. Our steps were slow and
deliberate, blood seeping out the bag as we walked. No one talked. There
was no need. We placed the remains on a cold metal table. I turned to my
guys and I told them "Remember this feeling"..then we started filing out.
The bigwigs had started arriving to have their "look see" and quite frankly
I was not in the mood for their dog and pony show. Our platoon consists of
thirty men. We lost three that day. My roommate was fatally wounded..the
team medic will never return to military service (amputee) and the gunner
will most likely not return to military service (reconstructive facial
surgeries).

We walked back to the transport vehicle and began hosing down the blood. As
I watched it seep into the ground, I became acutely aware that tears were
streaming down all our faces although there was no audible sounds emanating
from us. We have been down this road before. We are well aware of our own
mortality. The putrid acrid smell of burnt human flesh permeates our
vehicles and clothes. My heart bleeds and my soul hides.

A Doc comes out to tell us that our gunner is conscious and alert. We race
inside to see him. We are not prepared for the sight. There are tubes in
various orifices. His face is unrecognizable. His jaw and multiple facial
bones are broken. His eyes are almost swollen shut. Yet he manages a smile
which exposes the carnage in his mouth. Most of his teeth are broken or
completely gone. His bottom lip is split wide open exposing a few more
remaining teeth. We huddle at his bedside touching whatever body part we
could..telling him that we were there..that the only thing to focus on now
is getting better. They give him the purple heart. The tears flow freely
again mixed with a few sobs and expletives. We are asked to leave so he can
rest. I inquire about our team medic. They told us he was still in
surgery..that they were doing everything they could to save his leg. We
return to our vehicles.

The chaplain comes out and offers us water and words of consolation. I am
in a daze but I clearly hear words like God and hero and sacrifice. The
platoon is not in the mood to hear anything religious. We need our space to
think and grieve. He prays and walks away. We sit and wait.

A nurse comes out to tell us that the team medic is out of surgery and
heavily sedated. They managed to keep his leg attached for now and it is
covered in a mound of bandages with blood seeping through. He briefly opens
his eyes, scans the room to acknowledge everyone, then closes them again.
We stand in silence. He opens his eyes again and asks why we were all
staring at him. We have no answers. Someone yells "It's because your
nipples are exposed"..(his hospital gown had fallen down off his
shoulders). The feeble attempt at humor works for a brief second. He
smiles..we smile. Then he asks about the other guys. The tears flow freely
once again. We tell him to rest and begin filing out of the room.

We drive back to our living areas. Those that have the stomach to eat do
so. Most of us huddle outside. I go into the room. His laptop is still
open..unfinished letter to his Mom..on his bed...dirty laundry strewn
across the room. The reality is sobering. He is gone. Members of other
platoons start arriving to pay their respects and offer condolences. People
started punching and kicking things. There was a lot of cussing and enough
tears to fill a bucket. Someone said we should get clean. We had a ramp
ceremony (where we bring the casket to the plane) in a few hours. No one
moved.

A few hours later we were back at the CSH. There were two planes on the
runway. One had soldiers returning from leave and new soldiers arriving to
the unit. The look on their faces told us this was not the welcome they
expected. The FLA (dont know the meaning of the acronym) drove the body
onto the tarmac flanked by two of our guntrucks. We marched out and removed
the casket. It was adorned with the bronze star, the purple heart, and the
CIB. The CIB, combat infantry man's badge, is issued to an infantryman for
taking and returning fire during combat operations. My roommate returned
from leave on April 16. We got into a firefight the very next day, April
17, in the Ras Al Koor neighborhood. This was his first firefight and
therefore made him eligible for the CIB. I wrote his recommendation after
that incident and he was due to get the coveted CIB very soon. He was
looking forward to pinning it on his uniform and I was now looking at it
pinned on his casket. The tears flowed behind our military issued
sunglasses as we carried his body slowly to the aircraft. The casket was
mettalic in nature and extremely cold due to the material used to preserve
the body during shipment. The airfield was a sea of people rendering final
salute as we walked by. We placed him in the belly of the airplane and
rendered our final salute. I ran my hand the full length of the
coffin..caressing the flag..whispering that if he could hear me.. I loved
him and I missed him. The chaplains and Battalion Commanders gave their
speeches. We hugged and cried. We marched off that plane with the entire
battalion behind us. I paused briefly to look at the lonely casket sitting
on the ramp of the airplane. We drove back in silence to our living
quarters.

A few hours later we were back at the airfield. We carried our team medic
to his plane pretty much in the same fashion we carried the coffin a few
hours earlier. He was on his way to Landstuhl Germany for treatment. We
shook hands and saluted as he flew off.

We never got to see our gunner leave. Sometime during the night he was
flown to Balad Iraq to catch a follow on flight back to the states. We were
pissed. I guess command thought that we had a pretty long day and needed
the rest. What we NEEDED was to send our boys off the right way.

Saturday we mulled around for the better part of the day. Recovery guys
came and inventoried his property and took it all away in large black tote
boxes. I asked them to leave the pictures up that he put on the walls. They
comply. The room is much emptier. I stare at the walls and the ceiling.
Sleep does not come easily but it finally does.

I am awakened a few hours later by members of the squad for a mandatory
debrief. The Combat Stress Team is here asking "How does that make you
feel?" type questions. They say they KNOW how we are feeling and we need to
talk it out...we politely tell them to go away. When they leave..we open up
to each other..we laugh..we cry..we talk about our buddies. We keep the
memories between us..no one else understands the bond..the unit
cohesion..the love we have for each other.

A few minutes later we get word. We are tasked with a mission. Less than 36
hours have passed since the incident. We lace up our boots, don euipment,
and race to our vehicles. Work beckons...we will grieve later. The war
machine grinds on..and we..we are the cogs in the wheel. I do one final
check of my guys..we lock and load..and prepare to walk through the valley
of the shadow of death.

----------------

From replied comments:

Mike, you keep fighting the good fight! I appreciate the kind words from your readers and the opportunity to share with America what it is really like on the frontlines of a war..the objective unbiased account of an eyewitness..telling it like it is..without filter. The family has been notified and the DOD has published his name. There is so much that has been omitted. This is my friend, my buddy, my trooper.

His name is Thomas Edward Lee III and he was from Dalton, Georgia. He was only 20 years old and died on May 29, 2009. His birthday was on May 30, 2009 and we sent him home in a coffin @ 1249 AM on his birthday! He literally died hours before his twenty first birthday. Tommy, as he is affectionately called by members of the platoon, arrived in Iraq on January 12, 2009 and left Iraq on R&R leave on March 24, 2009. He returned on April 16, 2009.

He has a four year old daughter and found out that he was going to be a father again on May 14, 2009. His girlfriend got pregnant while he was on leave and he was ecstatic. We celebrated in our CHU (Combat Housing Unit) with other members of the platoon. He said he hoped to have a little boy and started thinking of baby names. He liked Dustin and Michael but couldn't decide on either so he picked both. I hope it is a boy because he never picked out any girl names.

He said he was scared of marriage. He had almost gotten married twice but on each occasion he would get a case of cold feet and would run away hours before the ceremony. He said he didn't feel like he was the marrying type but somehow he felt different this time around. He said the third time was the charm..that he was going to finally do it this time. He bought a ring on May 23, 2009 from the local PX here on base. He wanted to surprise her when his tour was over. I told him I thought it was the right thing to do. He said to make sure I keep the engine running just in case he comes running out of the church. I told him I would. We laugh.

I am also from Georgia. I live 30 minutes from Tommy's family. I should be home on leave at the end of this month. I will make a solitary drive to go see them and visit his gravesite. They will have questions. I will not have the answers. I will see his daughter, his Mother, his fiance with their unborn child, his sisters and brothers. Sadly, I won't see his father. His father hasn't seen him in years and will probably not be at his funeral. He is incarcerated in a prison somewhere in Georgia. They were not close. I will play with his dog and sit in his car. Then I will go talk to him..alone. I will drink the jack and coke he was looking forward to legally drinking to celebrate his twenty first birthday. I will place the slice of cake I saved from Iraq in celebration of his birthday. I will shed tears then I will go home to my family.

I will hug my children, my wife, and my dogs. They know and they understand. They provide a sense of peace, tranquility, and serenity. I will take comfort in the knowledge that he is forever with me...even if only in my thoughts. We will go to church. I will express my gratitude before God and man that I am alive to give testimony on the horrors of war and ask for divine protection for those in harm's way. I have only to look at my family to know what we are fighting for.

I will ask no man to stand in my stead. I will board a plane and return, as Tommy did, to fight alongside my brothers and sisters in Iraq. Should I not make it back, please let your readers know, that I stand shoulder to shoulder with some of the finest young men and women our country has to offer, and we are ready and willing, if necessary, to die to protect what you enjoy.

"Greater Love Hath No Man, than that He lay Down His Life for his friends."

I am Stalker15A

Dacres, Leon
Alpha Company 3-8 Cavalry Regiment
FOB Marez, Mosul
APO AE 09334

Thank you.

Gathering information

So for now I am focusing on V4V as a small step to get me the experience needed to create Hearthstone as well as helping and networking with some absolutely amazing people. Most of the posts from here on may be mostly about V4V and my experiences with them for a while.

So I've broken it down and figured out I need to do the following:

Step 1 - Make contact with individuals; Raise seed money; Rind permanent location for meetings; Learn how to work the media

Step 2 - Organize social events; Start one on ones; Publicity; Banner??

Step 3 - Start group meetings; Fundraisers; Social events; Retreat

Step 4 - House Party Fundraiser (around election time??); Activities to keep momentum

Possible Networking Events
Air Force Marathon
Homecomings

Contacts to follow up on
AmVets
Operation HomeFront
Vet Affairs WSU
Sara Landess; Clark State University
Mary Childs; Sinclair

Need to go in person
VA Office OIF/OEF Clinic
Goodwill Services

I really need someone to teach me about press releases and working with the media as well as fundraising. We'll see how it goes.

Changed

Thank you everyone!!!!


This past weekend was life changing for me. It has taken me this long to process some of it. Not only were issues I never thought were there pop up but I got validated more than any other time in my life. I am humble but motivated. I was given some great ideas and a new family. I connected with several individuals on a deep level and one individual specifically on a very intense spiritual level.

So my lessons are many. I will post my notes and thoughts in the next few weeks. There is a lot of work that needs to be done in this area. I need to compile everything, break it down into steps and go from there.

I left a part of myself in that desert. Amazing thing is that many gave me pieces of them to carry on with. I am now a stronger woman because of it. Strong enough to really do this.

Thrown in the deep end

I'm practically speechless. I've had to take some time away from everyone to process. The methodology that V4V uses really works. And can work for any group.

So what just happened? That is the big question that I'm having trouble answering. I think the biggest part was that I had my own denial stand up and bitchslap me. Denial about I went through, what my own perceptions and behaviors are, and how I react and interact with others. I may have been deluding myself. I may have been fooling myself into thinking that I was doing this to help my brothers and sisters, my family because I can't just abandon them. Is it possible that I'm doing this to heal myself?? That is a very feasible possibility.

Some of the things that have come up:

I have to reclaim myself as a woman and not be "one of the boys". I can't ignore the fact that I am an emotional person and that it is ok to exhibit that in front of others. I hate crying in front of other people. It embarrasses me and I feel weak and vulnerable. I. Hate. Feeling. Vulnerable. But I have to let that happen as it is part of the process here.

Though I have never been overseas I have had my own experience related the war. They are valid and authentic and worth something. I have been belittling myself for it.

Survivors Guilt and feeling like I abandoned my troops.

I am trying to find a way of changing how I perceive the work I'm trying to accomplish as being insignificant when compared to the incredible work the people who are also here at the leadership retreat. OMG...homeless vets, student vets, disable vets.

Thinking that I may not be able to belong to this group nor connect with them because I wasn't sent overseas.

And that was just this morning.

I'm going to be very raw by the time I come home.

Not what I thought was intended, but sooo much better.

I am in the beautiful desert of Arizona. The ranch is amazing. The people are even more amazing. I'm am in awe and humbled by everything around me.

My intention in coming here was to learn how to facilitate these peer groups and how to get a group up and running in Dayton.

Don't you love it when there is another plan for you that you don't realize until you are waist deep in and can't get out.

I didn't realize I had my own stuff to process. So now I am throwing myself into the process.

I have this saying I have lectured many others with. You can't fill anyone else's tea cup if your pot is empty. I didn't realize how low my pot had become. I guess I'm here to fill it.

This is really hard for me to do, talk about what I went through in the military. At least the bad stuff. The shadow stuff.

One of my new friends here (and I'm sure soon they'll be frimily) told me last night, "How can you help others if you're not willing to help yourself"

Thank you for the 2x4.

Breakfast bell. Pictures to come.

Nervous

I'm very VERY nervous. I'm worried about whether I'll be accepted at the Vets4Vets leadership weekend THIS weekened, by the others. I'm worried about the heat. I'm worried about what I can bring to this group of amazing people. I feel like I'm getting ready for the first day of new school again.

I never got to go over There. I was pregnant when my unit was asking for volunteers and shipping people over. Unfortunately that was one of the miscarriages. My troop never come home. I never got another opportunity as I got out of the military so that we could start a family. It broke my heart.

So here I will be, trying to help other soldiers through something I've never been through. I will never truly be able to understand and I accept that. But can they accept that? And accept me for what I am trying to do? And allow me to use the gifts I do have to help them with whatever I can help them with.

I guess we will see.

Excited

I'm off to Tuscon in just under two weeks and am excited about what I'll learn not only to bring back to the local area but about myself as well.

I have been allowing the challenges of life in our current economic status interfere with my goals and plans.

Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal...isn't that the quote.

So back to my list of possible local places to contact:

Glen Helen
Metroparks
Local farmers
MVUUF
VA (again)

The idea is to get some local involvement and support to give these soldiers a space in which to create and grow.

A post from Eddie's journal

Frustration

I'm frustrusted at the lack of communication that exists in this world and the lack of cooperation!! And how difficult it seems to be to get service and/or assistance for anything related to vets!!!

If I'm this upset and just want information I can only imagine how others who actually NEED something must feel.

New Links

I know that I can do not have the ability nor the skills/tools to help heal my brothers/sisters in arms but I do know that I can create the environment for healing to begin. There are others who are much more capable to do what I cannot and so I give them my support and my thanks. One of those is Eddie.

Eddie Black is doing some great work in regards to educating and helping soldiers with PTSD. His passion and dedication are definitely an inspiration. Here is his recent slide show:

http://www.slideshare.net/eddiecoyote/veterans-and-ptsd

as well as his own website about the concepts of what it is to be a Warrior, past and present:

http://warriormyth.blogspot.com

Links

Wounded Warrior Project: http://sr.woundedwarriorproject.org

Soldier Ride: http://sr.woundedwarriorproject.org/content/view/19/40/

Army post shuts down for anti-suicide event

By Richard Allen Greene
CNN

(CNN) -- A major United States military post is shutting down for three days following a rash of suicides, the post announced.

Fort Campbell, home of the Army's 101st Airborne Division, is holding a three-day "suicide stand-down training event" starting Wednesday -- the second one it has held this year, a post spokeswoman told CNN.

At least 11 deaths of Fort Campbell soldiers this year are confirmed or suspected suicides, spokeswoman Kelly Tyler said. That's out of 64 confirmed or suspected suicides in the entire Army, according to official statistics. At that rate, the Army is on pace for a record number of suicides this year.

The post commander, Brig. Gen. Stephen Townsend, addressed all 19,000 soldiers of the 101st Airborne Division on Wednesday, Tyler said.

"His intent was to be able to look them in the eye and make them aware that everyone cares about the issue, and make sure they know -- corporal to general -- what help is available," she said. "To make sure that people know we want them to keep living."

Soldiers often refuse to admit they are having problems because of the culture of the military, she said.

"You still have the stigma in the Army of asking for help -- it's an institution of strength and honor. And they need to understand that there is strength and honor in asking for help," Tyler said.

"It's easy to lose focus of that. We are a nation at war, an army at war. The guys around you need you to be there. They need you to ask for help, or for them to ask for help if you can't."

Fort Campbell's commanders are trying to impress upon the troops that this is more than a mandatory exercise.

"It is such an unusual event to look them in the eye and say their life matters, their buddy's life matters," Tyler said. "We're not checking a box, not punching a ticket. This is an effort to let the soldiers know that the command cares."

Military suicides are among the top worries for a leading veterans' group.

"This is a grave concern for our organization," said Ryan Gallucci, a spokesman for AmVets.

Combat stress manifests itself in different ways, he said, citing the case of a U.S. soldier charged with killing five of his comrades at a mental-health clinic in Iraq earlier this month.

"The incident in Baghdad brought a lot of attention to combat stress, but this is the other side of the coin," he said.

He agreed that the military's emphasis on personal toughness makes it harder for soldiers to ask for help when they need it.

"Mental strength is a necessary character trait in combat. To suddenly say it's OK to admit you have a problem contradicts your training," he said.

But he said the Army needs to do more to prevent suicide.

"The military has certainly done a better job of identifying it, but you see the numbers -- the numbers speak for themselves," he said.

A record number of soldiers committed suicide last year -- at least 133, the Army said. That was up from at least 115 in 2007, which was itself a record since the Pentagon began keeping statistics on suicide in 1980. The statistics cover active-duty soldiers and activated National Guard and reserves.

More soldiers killed themselves in January of this year than died in battle, Army statistics suggest.

Suicides for Marines were also up in 2008. There were 41 in 2008, up from 33 in 2007 and 25 in 2006, according to a Marine Corps report.

Gen. Peter W. Chiarelli, vice chief of staff of the Army, expressed concern about the suicide rate in March testimony before the Senate Armed Services Military Personnel Subcommittee.

He cited long deployments, lengthy separations from family and the perceived stigma associated with seeking help as factors contributing to the suicides.

"We must find ways to relieve some of this stress," Chiarelli said.

Fort Campbell is on both sides of the Kentucky-Tennessee state line, southeast of Paducah, Kentucky.

CNN's Adam Levine and Mike Mount contributed to this report.

Vets4Vets on NBC Nighly News

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Disappointment

No one showed up for Saturday's meeting. Very disappointed and slightly discouraged but not too devistated. I knew it was a possibility. So I'm going to wait until the end of June and try again. Going to add more versital adverstisement. Am contemplating approaching Wright Patt's BH faculty to see if they are willing to simply diseminate information about the program. I'm nervous about that approach but we shall see.

Regrouping and handling other life affairs but not giving up.

Update

Things have been both busy and quiet. I've put the flyers out for the get together on Saturday. We'll see if there is any turn out. That is what I'm worried about the most, that no one shows up. I'm not sure what more I could have done besides: send out emails to VA groups; hand flyers to individuals; place ads in networking sites and in paper; hang flyers in the local campuses. I guess we'll have to wait and see.


I am looking forward to the summer festival I'm working at in June as medic. I hope to be able to talk with some of the land owners there about how they would feel about hosting a weekend event for veterans. I am both positive and apprehensive about the idea of applying my "Nature Idea," as a friend puts it, to the real world. It probably wouldn't be this summer, but perhaps next.

I need to go talk to some of the local co-op farms to see if it is possible to have a small group come out and help on a regular basis and see what programs Glen Helen and the Metroparks have. There is still a lot of research to do on a broad scale but I've decided to scale it back for the time being and try a smaller more local approach.

Adapt and overcome. Baby steps and all that.

Now to acquire a winning lotto ticket.

The Flyer

Got a location, time and date!

So I have arranged for an informal meet and greet in order to talk to people about Vets4Vets and hand out information, gather information and whatnot.

Location: Donatos in Page Manor off of Airway next to Wright Patt AFB
Date: May 16th
Time: 1pm - 4 pm

Next is to make the flyers and post them everywhere!

Guess I was on a roll today with this.

Small Steps Forward

Today I had a meeting with a friend of mine about writing grants. I'm not at the point where I can take that step yet though. She did point me in the right direction. Small steps that lead to a bigger goal. I'm excited.









One the Vet4Vet front I will be going to their training session in Arizona the last weekend in July. I'm very excited to meet everyone and learning as much as I can.

Quote

We can either doubt ourselves, and crumble, or stand firm in the face of our worst adversaries... ourselves.

- My dear friend Jeremy Clowers during a pep talk

Contacts Made

Today I made contact with the Blue Star Mothers completely by chance. They loved the premise behind what I was doing and especially the local Vets4Vets group. I am still securing a location and a time for the meeting though. I do have the beginnings of a flyer going and will complete that tonight, minus the date and location of the meetings.

I have made arrangements to talk to someone about grants and the whatnot. Maybe by knowing what they want and are looking for in the way of requirements I can focus my research a little bit more. I have to try to remember I am not creating treatment plans but the environment. So instead of reading whatever I can about PTSD and soldiers and history, etc I need to focus on community development.

You can not heal other people, you can only heal yourself until your presence is healing.

www.whatadifference.org

This site is here for people living with mental illness—and their friends. You'll find tools to help in the recovery process, and you can also learn about the different kinds of mental illnesses, read real-life stories about support and recovery, and interact with the video to see how friends can make all the difference.

Sick but productive

Even though I was sick as a dog today I got a few things done. I set up an email address and facebook address for the Vets4Vets Dayton area group.

vets4vetsdayton@gmail.com
Facebook: VetsforVets Dayton
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/profile.php?id=1226207468&ref=name

I've also been compiling contact information for various veteran organizations and resources throughout the Dayton/Columbus/Cincinnati area. So far I have probably nine pages of information that I need to go through.

I had the idea of the first meeting be more of a meet and greet where people get to shake hands and get a feel for each other than an actual official meeting. Maybe a bbq at a park? We'll see. Don't want to think too much about food right now though. Ugh. I hate being sick.

Brain scan 'could diagnose PTSD'

My friend Cethelan passed this on to me. Thoughts? Opinions? Is there a valid medical application for this method?

I've highlighted something in red that stood out to me.

Brain scan 'could diagnose PTSD'

Scientists say they are moving ever closer to being able to diagnose Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) using a brain scanner.

Research to be presented to the World Psychiatric Association congress in Florence suggests differences in the brain activity of PTSD sufferers.

Over 40 US soldiers who had served in Iraq or Afghanistan were tested - about half of whom had a diagnosis of PTSD.

Their brains were examined with an MRI scanner as they performed memory tests.

The term PTSD is used to describe a range of psychological symptoms people may experience following a traumatic, usually life-threatening, event. It is seen most commonly in those who have been on active service.

Researchers at Duke University in the US presented 42 soldiers, both male and female, with photographs of three similar faces.

They were then showed pictures of a combat scene, a non-combat scene - such as as man playing a trombone for instance - or a digitally scrambled picture.

Finally, they were shown a photograph of a face again and asked whether they had just seen it.

Driven to distraction

While watching the part of the brain associated with paying attention, researchers noted the group without PTSD was far more distracted by the pictures of combat scenes.

“ It is not actually hard to diagnose PTSD - all you need is a decent mental health professional ”
Professor Simon Wessely King's Centre for Military Health Research

Those with PTSD were distracted by both the combat and non-combat pictures and performed more poorly in the memory test of faces which followed.

"This sensitivity to neutral information is consistent with the PTSD symptom of hypervigilance, where those afflicted are on high alert for threats and are more distracted by not only threatening situations that remind them of the trauma, but also by benign situations," said Dr Rajendra Morey, an assistant professor of psychiatry at Duke University.

"This has not been seen at the brain level before. If further research confirms this preliminary finding, this pattern could be useful in distinguishing the PTSD brain."

But experts in the UK said it was hard at this stage to see much practical use there was in being able to identify PTSD on a brain scanner.

"It is not actually hard to diagnose PTSD - all you need is a decent mental health professional," said Professor Simon Wessely, director of the King's Centre for Military Health Research.

"The real challenge is to persuade people to come forward for help.

"Neuroscience is clearly going to help us understand the neural substrates underlying symptoms, but as long as soldiers continue to believe that admitting to psychological distress is not what a soldier should do, most will never get near an MRI scanner."

Neil Greenberg, a senior lecturer in military psychiatry, said he could not see any therapeutic benefit in using a scanner to diagnose.

But he said: "There's a possible use from a medico-legal perspective, if someone wants to prove definitively that this is a condition they have.

"And it's also feasible that it could be used against those who are avoiding military duties because they say they have PTSD."

Story from BBC NEWS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/2/hi/health/7977144.stm

Published: 2009/04/02 23:05:47 GMT

© BBC MMIX

Admiral says war veterans will suffer for years

By ROBERT BURNS – 3 days ago

NEW YORK (AP) — Homelessness, family strains and psychological problems among returning veterans of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars will persist in the U.S. for generations to come, the top U.S. military officer said Thursday.

"This is not a 10-year problem. It is a 50- or 60- or 70-year problem," Navy Adm. Mike Mullen, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, told a lunchtime audience at the Hudson Union Society, a group that promotes nonpartisan debate.

Mullen said he was particularly disturbed by the emergence of homelessness as a problem among war veterans.

"I have started to meet with, in veterans hospitals, homeless veterans" of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, he said. "And they are every bit as homeless and every bit as tragic as any homeless vet we've ever had. We as a country should not allow that to happen."

At a White House news conference last week, President Barack Obama said that some of the funding increases in his proposed budget for veterans affairs are directed at alleviating the problem of homelessness among veterans, which he said is a bigger problem, proportionally, than is homelessness in the rest of the American population.

Mullen said he also was worried by a rising number of suicides among U.S. military members.

"The trends are all in the wrong direction," he said, adding that "we're just at the beginning of understanding" how to deal with the psychological wounds and scars that military members incur during combat service.

"I believe the cumulative effects of these deployments, the pressure that so many are under, the impact of what ... mostly our soldiers and Marines have been through" on the battlefield "in our eighth year of war has a lot to do with" the suicide and other stress-related problems that are plaguing the military and their families, he said.

Mullen said the military has added hundreds of mental health professionals to help with the problem, yet "we're struggling with respect to that." Another aspect of the problem, he added, is the impact on children, who can suffer severely from the extended and repeated absence of a mother or father going off to war.

In a wide-ranging question-and-answer session with his audience, Mullen also said he was "reasonably comfortable" that Pakistan's nuclear weapons are secure amid a rising tide of insurgent violence aimed at the government.

"We have invested in that (effort), they've taken significant steps in recent years, so I'm comfortable," he said. "My biggest concern is that if Pakistan gets to a point where it implodes, you've got a country that could be an Islamist, theocratic country with nuclear weapons which could both use them and proliferate them. One of our goals is to make sure that doesn't happen."

He also explicitly linked the Pakistani military's intelligence arm, the Inter-Services Intelligence, to elements of the insurgency inside Pakistan, a connection that others have said helps empower the Taliban and other extremist groups.

"They've got an intelligence organization that must, in my view, change its strategic approach and be completely disconnected from the insurgents. And they're not right now," he said.

The role of Pakistani intelligence was discussed Wednesday at a Senate Armed Services Committee hearing in which Army Gen. David Petraeus, the top commander of U.S. forces in the Middle East and in Afghanistan, said there have been cases where Pakistani intelligence warned the insurgents of impending U.S. or Pakistani military strikes against them.

Petraeus called those episodes troubling. He said he and Mullen have raised the problem directly with the chief of Pakistani intelligence, Lt. Gen. Ahmed Shuja Pasha.

On the Net:

• Joint Chiefs of Staff: http://www.jcs.mil/

Copyright © 2009 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.

Randomness from a sleep deprived mind right before crashing

Recent events and friends of mine have reminded me it is essential for a balanced state to have certain essential needs met. But what one person needs is different from what another person needs. And by needs I'm not talking about those required for survival but items, qualities, characteristics, environments, etc. required in order to obtain a healthy balanced life emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritual.

For me, one of those needs is touch. And I am very much not getting that need met as of late. Hugs are nice. Cuddling with the child does help some. But I am talking intentional, purposeful touch. It could be through massage or piling with a group of friends to watch a movie, or laying in bed late one morning in order just to be together. I have noticed the shift in my behavior and small changes in my way of thinking when I am deprived of that touch. I crave it and it makes me edgy when I don't get it, and even more skittish when there is the possibility that I might. Contradictory to that though, I have a hard time relaxing into it because I don't know when it will be taken away from me again.

So that got me thinking, if this is how I feel without touch, how is it with the soldiers and families coming home? How do the spouses feel and react? Do the do the same as I; do they want it so badly they want to dive into it but are too scared because the soldier may have to leave again and...well it is a vicious cycle. What about the soldiers? My opinion is that touch with another human is a natural instinct that society tries to place stigmas on at times. This is especially true in the military. No PDA allowed.

I am going to have to pull out my research paper I did while in school on Massage for PTSD. It was on my other computer that crashed. I think I have my notes and a hard copy somewhere. Someone remind me in the morning. I'll have to write more on this when my mind is recovered from no sleep.

You never know until you try

Tuesday I followed my own advice of "you never know until you try". I had been aware of Vets 4 Vets program (www.vets4vets.com) for a while but didn't think I'd qualify to start/lead a group in the area because I had gotten out of the military to be a mom before getting deployed to the 'Great Sandbox'. Following my own advice I decided to go ahead and send them an email explaining my situation anyway and see what I could do.

"I may not be able to provide the same peer support as someone who has been deployed, but I do know that I am great at creating environments"

Lo and behold if I was NOT shot down right away. I have a phone conference for Monday afternoon. I am very excited and a little nervous.

After looking through the local resources I feel that Vets4Vets will fit in here wonderfully. We have Wright Patterson AFB plus Army and Marine units here that deploy regularly. There are a LOT of active duty, veteran, and reservists individuals in this area. I am surprised that there isn't a group here already! Additionally, I really think that the experience of going through one of these workshops would be extremely valuable to give me a better idea of what is going to be needed for the future. I can only hope.

From their website:

Mission
Vets4Vets is a non-partisan veteran organization dedicated to helping Iraq and Afghanistan-era veterans feel good about themselves and heal from any negative aspects of service and war through the use of peer support.

Vision
Our primary goal is to help Iraq and Afghanistan-era veterans understand the value of peer support and to regularly use peer support to express their emotions, manage their challenges and ease their reintegration into society. Our vision is that anytime a veteran needs to talk with someone who really understands, a local Vets4Vets peer support group is available at no cost. We envision Vets4Vets being a common name in the minds of all veterans as a place where they, and their comrades, can go to heal.

We Believe:

• Sharing personal experiences with those who have shared similar experiences is a powerful healing tool.


• Peer support does not require professionals.


• Peer support can take place in many formats including weekend workshops, one-on-one and in small or large groups.


• By taking equal and uninterrupted turns we benefit by both listening and speaking.


• By expressing the feelings associated with our experiences, we help each other heal.


• In providing an environment that is confidential, safe, and accepting.


• Taking part in positive community action, of their choosing, empowers veterans to further promote healing and reach out to other veterans.


• Use of drugs and alcohol hinders real emotional healing.

I really believe that my goals fall right in line with their approach. I sincerely hope I can work with them.

More links from friends

I posted my website on FaceBook for my friends and lovely SK gave me another link to put up: http://www.operationhomefront.net/

Wendy told me to check out Common Ground in New York. This is one place I definitely want to go visit myself and see first hand the work they are doing: www.commonground.org

While looking through that site I found Change.org which may help when this thing is really up and running. It may also be a great networking resource.

I will randomly be going through all the other links I have posted and write my own review of them. If anyone has been to any of these sites and would like to share their opinion of them, whether the information was helpful or not helpful, whether you have used the organization and if they were helpful or not, etc I would LOVE your input.

I have not uploaded a list of literature nor any of the multitude of YouTube videos out there. Please suggest something you think would be beneficial.

I also heard that The Real World has a Vet on this season. As I only get the channels you get with an antenna I would appreciate anyone's review or thoughts on how that is going.

Excitement and Trepidation

So here it is, the beginning baby steps towards a bigger dream. Welcome to this space. Please share your thoughts, ideas, and any suggestions.